. . . .AKPORS.
.
.
EPISODE 1
_A teacher lecturing on
population said 'In the
world, after every 10
seconds, a woman gives
birth to a kid.' Akpors
stood up and said 'we
must find and stop her!'
_Akpors; why are all
these people running?
Man: this is a race, the
winner will get the cup.
Akpors: if only the winner
will get the cup,why are
others running?
_Akpors told his servant:
go and water the plants.
Servant: its already
raining.
Akpors: so what, take an
umbrella and go!
_Postman: I had to come
5 miles to deliver you this
package.
Akpors: why did you
have to come so far,
instead u could have
posted it.
_Akpors at an Art gallery:
i suppose this horrible
looking thing is what you
call modern art?
Art dealer: i beg your
pardon sir, that is a
mirror!
_Akpors was writing
something very slowly.
A friend asked "why are
you writing so slowly?
Akpors: i'm writing to my
six year old son, he cant
read very fast.
_Flash news:A 2 SEATER
plane crashed in a
GRAVEYARD in
Umukoro. Akpors and
his townsmen have so
far found 500 bodies and
are still DIGGING for
more. L.O.L.Z
Follow dis trend and laf at
all akpors joke
(1)Akpors goes into a
chemist,
reaches into his pocket
and takes
out a small bottle and a
teaspoon.
He pours some liquid
onto the
teaspoon and offers it to
the
chemist's assistant."Coul
d you taste
this please?" says Akpors.
Chemist
Assistant takes the
teaspoon, put it
in his mouth swills the
liquid and
swallow it.. "Does it taste
sweet?"
says Akpors "No, not
at all" says Chemist
Assistant.
"Good" says
Akpors....."the doctor
told me to come here
and get my
urine tested for
sugar"The Chemist
Assistant fainted.
(2)Akpors was doing his
maths
homework & saying:
2+5, the son of a
Naughty Lady is 7
3+6, the son of a
Naughty Lady is 9. ..
His Mom : What are you
doing?
Akpors : I'm doing maths
homework
Mom : this is how your
teacher
taught you ?
Akpors : Yes
Infuriated, Mom asked
the teacher
the next day -
'What are you teaching
my son in
maths ?'
Teacher : Right now, we
are
learning addition.
Mom : you teaching them
to say 2+2, the Son
of a Naughty Lady is 4 ?
Teacher after laughing :
What I taught them was,
2+2,
The Sum of Which is 4 !
(3)AKPORS THE
PRESENTER
PRESENTER
AKPORS:Wats ur
contribution?
CALLER:There is dis lady i
wanted in my life
shortly
after my NYSC,Bt all my
efforts proved
abortive, She wouldn't
pick ma calls, she
would laff at me while
passin
by for reasons best
known to her, 5 months
later, i was able 2 get an
apartment, get a
new car courtesy of a
contract job i secured
with a major oil
company. Now most of
d missed calls i have
are
hers, barrage of sms and
all dat, i am
confused on wot 2 do,
Plz advice me.
PRESENTER AKPORS:
Listen up give her a call
letting her knw
u'll be at her house in
2hrs, Wen its tym call
her up and delay for
anoda 2hrs,Take a cool
Shower, wear a nice
outfit and attention
catching perfume, When
its tym drive 2 her
house, Walk 2 her door
and knock,once she
opens, with d sexiest
smile u've got, look
stylishly into
her eyes, draw her
slowly to urself, take ur
mouth close to her ear
and whisper
''THUNDER FIRE U'
(4)Girl: If we get married,
stop smoking.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: Drinking too.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: N going to the night
club too.
Akpors:- Yes.
Girl:-You stop watchin
soccer matches with yo
boyz
Akpors: Okay!
Girl:- What else can u
leave??
Akpors:- The idea of
marrying You
(6)Akpors last week
moved with his wife to
Victoria Island, Lagos.
A thief came to his house
one night and
threatened to inject him
with blood
containing the HIV virus if
he didn't drop all
the money he collected
from the bank the day
before.
Akpors: Are you going to
leave me with the
money if I allow you to
inject me with the
HIVvirus?
The Thief: I will not collect
the money and I
will leave you.
On hearing this, he told
the thief to give him 2
minutes and he went to
the toilet. When he
came back from the
toilet, he asked the thief
to inject him with the HIV
virus.
The frustrated thief
injected him with the HIV
virus and left
immediately.
Immediately the thief left,
the wife became
hysterical
The Wife: What the hell
did you just do?
Akpors: Don't mind the
silly thief, he doesn't
know that I put on a
condom the other time
Iwent to the toilet