joke compilation

Two mad men (Akpos
& Ochuku) organized
to run away from a
mental hospital, they
started planning and
agreed that they will
go to the gate, beat up
the watchman, and
then they escape….
When they reached
the gate, they found
out that the watchman
wasn’t there and the
gate was wide opened
they said “SHIT!! Our
plan has failed lets go
and come back
tomorrow!
A man and a woman
walked into a guest
house and requested
to spend d night there.
The owner of the
guest house, Mr Ben,
who is a member of
MFM refused to allow
men and women stay
together in his
hotel because of
fornication. The
woman explained; He
is my son, Not my
spouse and so they
checked in. After
30mins, Mr. Ben sent
his maid to go and
check if those folks
were truly mother and
son. The maid came
back and said; Sir,
she’s truly the mother.
The Boss asked; How
did you confirm? The
maid Smiled; Sir I am
sure, I saw her
Breastfeeding the Man.
Akpors and his wife
were in court for
divorce. The problem
is who gets custody
for the child! The wife
Jumps up and says;
your honor i brought
the child into this
world in pains and
labour, he should be
in my custody. The
Judge turns to Akpors,
Akpors: (calmly)”Your
honor, if i put my
ATM card into ATM
machine and Cash
comes out. Whose
cash is it? THE
MACHINE’s OR MINE?
Ambali: I don’t know
why my girlfriend is
not picking up her call.
Akpos: Don’t worry
my friend. Send her
airtime…
take one digit out and
wait…
Teacher: Write a
sentence dat ends wit
“Hand” Akpos: My
penis in ur hand
Teacher: *slaped him*
Akpos:Oh m sorry i
4got 2 put a space
beween Pen and Is…
My pen is in ur hand
Chichi: Do you smoke?
Akpos: Yes….
Chichi: How many
packs a day?
Akpos: 3 packs.
Chichi: How much per
pack?
Akpos: N200.
Chichi: And how long
have you been
smoking?
Akpos: For 15 years.
Chichi: So, one pack
costs N200, and you
have
3 packs a day, which
puts your spending
each
month at N18,000. In
one year, it would be
N216,000 correct?
Akpos: Correct.
Chichi: If in one year
you spend N216,000
not
accounting for
inflation, the past 15
years
puts your spending at
over N3,000,000
correct?
Akpos: Correct.
Chichi: Do you know
that if you hadn’t
smoked, that money
could have been put in
a
step-up interest
savings account and
after
accounting for
compound interest for
the
past 15 years, you
could have now easily
bought a brand new
Range Rover HSE
Sport?Akpos: Do you
smoke?
Chichi: No.
Akpos: So where’s
your Range Rover HSE
Sport then?
#One word for Akpos